It forms on my tongue but it cannot be spoken.
Not from choice, but of a soul that has been broken.
Healing takes time, and it will be slow,
So I’m sorry if I never say it, but this I do know…

I would give you the world, were it mine to surrender,
To show you the beauty and all its splendor.
Together, we would greet the glittering seas.
But these three words might remain in silence, so please…

Take this, instead.
Pulled from my chest, still beating and red.
It’s battered and bruised and tender to the touch,
But it can still give so, so much.

Written by: CJ Embers

I wish, I wish, upon this star,
That time will heal this deep, ugly scar.
What is life but unending rain?
It’s the embodiment of all this pain.

I reap what I sow, reap what I sow,
But still I feel so damn low.
The one thing that I want…
It serves only to hurt and taunt.

Why must I be haunted by such trauma,
Pausing my life like a painful comma?
It’s nothing but a gun pressed under my chin;
Robbing me of joy like a deadly, deadly sin.

It is akin to a stagnant rot.
Nothing like this can ever be taught.
All I can do is try to endure,
And hope there will one day be a cure.

A big part of me had to die,
When made clear was the biggest lie.
Will my mind ever be unbroken?
Or will these words remain unspoken?

Written by: CJ Embers

“Follow my lead,
I’ll tell you what to do.
You’re not a burden;
I’m the same as you.”

You make me feel heard;
Comfortable and safe.
Is this what it’s like,
To finally have faith?

“Come to me,
And rest under my wing.
You are safe here;
Let Sanctuary’s bell ring.”

Pain does not exist here,
And I’ve learned to trust you.
My doubts are now gone;
It’s not too good to be true.

“Why do you act like this?
Don’t you know this is wrong?
You are far too much,
And you just don’t belong.”

But what you said…
I don’t understand.
Was it all a lie?
Why are you showing this hand?

“This is how it’s always been.
You should be ashamed.
This is your doing,
Because you are always to be blamed.”

I should have known.
Paradise was a lie,
Just as it always is.
Another to whom I say goodbye.

“Follow my lead,
But I will fault you.
You’ll be a burden,
When I drop the other shoe.”

Written by: CJ Embers

I try and I try, yet it all turns black.
Every time, I know it like it’s fact.
It burns like fire against my heart,
Shattering like dust, every single part.

“I promise,” it was said.
Just put a gun to my head instead.
It’s kinder than every lie,
And maybe then I can finally die.

Why does this feel so impossible?
It makes the darkness unstoppable.
Is this really my destiny?
Because I’m fighting for every breath in me.

This is how it will always be
Surely who is to blame but me?
I am spiraling. My life, uncontrollable.
Because all I’ve ever been… is completely disposable.

Written by: CJ Embers

“Everything happens for a reason”,
Or so I’ve been told.
But maybe this world has long since been abandoned,
Because it has always felt cold.

What is reprieve from this void,
Except for a glaring lie?
Luring me like a siren,
Only to leave me to die.

Promises are never promises,
Only vows that are never kept.
Hope is but a burden;
A slow death as the sunlight still wept.

One by one they all do the same,
And I know it will remain that way.
This is why the choice has been made,
And I will try not to sway.

“Everything happens for a reason”,
Or so I used to believe.
But maybe there is no one else holding the knife,
And I just used to be naive.

Written by: CJ Embers

Every day is a battle
That only I can see
‘Normal’ makes my heart rattle
And smothers the real me

Existence often becomes a question of why
For who would want to live like this
Maybe it would be easier to say goodbye
Instead of living with this deadly kiss

Put on a mask
Don’t let them know
Lest they ask
And become a foe

Fear begets fear
Yet the silence is so loud
Everything is unclear
And I am never proud

Then came the bomb
When everything was broken
Yet my mind remained calm
Like courage quietly spoken

Will it shatter with one wrong move
Or have I actually begun to improve
Am I simply a coward who’s teetering on the brink
Or is it possible I am stronger than I think?

Written by: CJ Embers